Hot For Teacher
by blue mars
Summary: Watch out Destiny High, there's a new teacher in town...and he ain't pretty...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: We do not own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy, but the other random characters belong to **US!!!!!!!!**

Warning, this fan fic has been written by a Kingdom Hearts lover and a Kingdom Hearts hater. Enjoy!

**PLEASE REVIEW!!!!**

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**Seating Chart**

FRONT

Mr. Ansem (Mr. A)

Sally-Ben-Jan-Some Kid

Jim-Ken-Riku-Shy Kid..

Beth-Larry-Sora-Cathy

Ann-Becca-Cloud-Cindy

If you can make sense of our seating chart, good for you.

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All seems peaceful in Destiny High, until a certain teacher blows into town….. 

P.S, Only the characters in the first two rows on the right side of class room will be mentioned in this story, except for Cindy, no one likes her.

Jan: I wonder who our new teacher will be this year.

Cathy: You mean our Health teacher?

All of a sudden, a dark miasma fills the entire classroom, and in walks Mr. Ansem in his black coat…

Cathy: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!(Picks up a random desk, breaks the nearest window and jumps out screaming "Zelda Rules!")

Jan: My name's Jan!

Cathy is heavily sedated and returned to class moments later by the hall patrol.

Ansem: Hello children (He says in a deep, creepy child molesting way) I am your new Health teacher for the semester.

Sora: Is your hair naturally white?

Ansem:…In this class we shall cover the miracle of life...

Class is in total silence, until Cloud walks in with a six pack of beer under his arm.

Cloud: Whoa, hey guys…(Takes a quiet seat behind Sora)

Cathy :( After waking up from her drug induced stupor) Sweet Jeebies! Who gave that man a teaching license?

Ansem: …In other words, sex education.

Jan: Hee Hee! Mr. A said sex!

Ansem: And every time you answer something wrong, Jan, you will die, I mean, uh, Riku will beat you over the head with a bat.

Riku is polishing a baseball bat and lets a maniacal grin slip across his face.

Cathy: Eww, I think I can hear you getting tanner.

The class hears a slight sizzle.

Ansem: Moving on, who can tell me about the male reproductive system?

Some where in the class a beer can opens.

Sora: A repro-whatty?

Ansem: Oh, you will find out.

Cathy: Do you like, use turtle wax your chest or something?

Ansem: ….Maybe….

Jan: I thought you could only use turtle wax for cars.( A baseball bat whacks her in the head from behind.)

Riku: Wrong.

Jan: Why do you hate me?

Cathy throws a random knife at the teacher, who only flicks his head to one side, missing him by inches.

Cathy: Son of a…..

Ansem: Anyway, let's begin class with a small exercise. Pair up. (Hands out papers)

Cloud: I got my partner. (Grabs Sora by the back of the hood, who only squeals.)

As the students are working hard, the teacher's cell phone goes off.

"_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me! Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me! Don't cha….."_

Riku: Oh my God….

Cathy: WTF!?

Jan: I like this song! (Another hit from behind, but this time with a hand made club.)

Riku: That's for singing along.

Ansem reaches down below his desk and the class hears a beep noise.

Cathy: Where did he just put his hand at?

Sora: Why did it beep?

Jan: I just got a full view of that….

All of a sudden, the bell rings and the students are safe for now. Well, at least the female students are….

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In the next chapter the whole health room embarks on a magical field trip! To where? Nobody really knows. But who cares! Read it anyway! And review…. 


	2. chapter 2

Here's another addition to our story! Straight from the movie on House on Haunted Hill! The most recent one anyway.

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Mr. A: Today class, we are going on a field trip…

Cathy: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You never even gave us a permission slip, let alone gave us warning. If I had known ahead of time I would of brought my survival kit which would include snicker doodles, a shovel and a couple of flood lights.

Sora: FIELD TRIP!!!!!!!! (He runs out of the room and can be seen racing to the nearest bus)

Cathy: Poor, little naïve child…

Kairi (Who replaced Mindy after she disappeared when commenting at the width of Ansem's mega man hips.) So where is this field trip taking place at?

Mr. A: Well….

The next thing the class knows they have arrived to a large abandoned mental asylum.

Cathy: How typical, ditching us at a mental hospital, looks like someone can't handle the stress of dealing with us poor idiot children

Jan: Hey! I've seen this in a movie! (baseball bat hovers over her head) No!!! Not the bat!

Mr. A: I inherited this estate from my great….

Cloud: Son of a…… We're all out of BEER!!!! (Cloud's echoing cry is heard throughout the empty asylum)

Jan: You're what, your great grandfather or something? But that means…

Cathy: Someone actually gave birth to you? Damn!

Jan: Sicko!

Sora: lets go on an ADVENTURE!!!!! Come on Riku, it'll be fuuuuun!!!!

Twenty minutes later…

Kairi: There still not back.

Jan: Hey, where'd the teacher go?

Cathy: Oh hell no. Alright girls, and Cloud, we better go find them. Jan, get my shovel.

So the four companions set out to find there missing friends through the twisting corridors of the abandoned insane asylum.

Jan: It's getting dark! Quick, everyone use the buddy system and hold hands! Cloud, why is your hand shaking so badly?

Cathy: He's been sober for almost an hour.

All of a sudden, a girly scream comes from within the cold walls of the building.

Unknown scream:WAAHHH AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Kairi: Sounds like Sora. We better hurry.

Jan: I think I see the little wee man! (Jan runs for the image resembling Sora)

Cathy: Wait! Didn't you say that you saw the movie? It's a ghost! Don't break the buddy system!

Jan disappears in the darkness.

Cloud: Yeah, and in the movie I distinctly remember seeing a bar! And BEER!

Jan: Hey, wait up!

The fake Sora is giggling in a creepy manner. Jan continues to follow the ghost, only to come to a sliding halt on red liquid. The room is large and empty, with only a small shimmer of light from above. Sora stands in the center, his eyes gleaming in the dark.

Jan: Um, is this blood? Sora, what are you doing?

Sora's head twitches uncontrollably.

Jan: I don't like this game anymore….

Riku, seeing his precious juice box squished under Jan's shoes, breaks out into a fit of rage and slams the end of his baseball bat into the head of the Sora-ghost. He continues to hit the ghost until the real Sora walks in…with Mr. A… and his hand is on his shoulder.

Sora: Hey guys!

Riku: Oh, how did you get over there? (Wipes the mangled ghost's blood off of his face.)

Jan: NOOO!

Jan then grabs Sora and Riku by their gel encrusted hair and makes a run for it. Meanwhile, Cathy, Kairi and Cloud make their way past the darkness. Will they find their buddies? Why has Mr. A brought them to this horrible place?

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Please Review! If you do, it will make the madness end! Maybe…. 


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